Ten Absolutely Stupid Quotes By Steve Ballmer

Steve Ballmer has been the CEO of Microsoft since year 2000. As you probably know, he is a bit eccentric guy. So far Steve has produced dozens of absolutely "outstanding" quotations which definitely should be known. So, here is the list of Steve Ballmer's most famous quotes. Have fun ;)

1. "I'm going to f---ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f---ing kill Google." [Sydney Morning Herald]
2. "Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers..." [Watch at YouTube]
3. "Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches." [Chicago Sun-Times]
4. "My children - in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod." [money.cnn.com]
5. "We've had DRM in Windows for years. The most common format of music on an iPod is "stolen"." [The Register]
6. "I have never, honestly, thrown a chair in my life." [CNET News]
7. "Google's not a real company. It's a house of cards." [Court transcript]
8. "There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance." [unsourced]
9. We don't have a monopoly. We have market share. There's a difference. [unsourced]
   
10. DRM is the future. [unsourced]
    

40 Amusing "facts" about Linus Torvalds

• Linus Torvalds can do an infinite loop in five seconds... in his head.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't wear glasses anymore not because he had laser eye surgery, but because he finally got his xorg.conf properly configured in his head.
• Linus Torvalds can use a nice level lower than -20.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't need to mount his drives.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't debug. His programs are always perfect.
• Linus Torvalds can install Linux on a dead badger.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't need backups. He just uploads his files and lets the world mirror them.
• Linus Torvalds is taking over the world. Microsoft is just a deversion so that no one would suspect a mild mannered Finnish programmer.
• Linus Torvalds can run kill -9 and kill Chuck Norris.
• Linus Torvalds already has Linux 3.0. He is just keeping it to himself to build suspense.
• Linus Torvalds didn't design Linux to run on the 386. Intel designed the 386 to run Linux.
• People pray to Jesus, but Jesus prays to Linus Torvalds.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't die, he simply returns zero.
• Linus Torvalds once found a segmentation fault in the universe.
• Linus Torvalds runs Linux on his wristwatch and toster.
• Linus Torvalds only has 2 buttons on his keyboard '1' and '0'
• Linus Torvalds can write to ntfs.
• Linus Torvalds can install Gentoo in under a week
• Linus Torvalds is more powerful than root.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't need anti-virus software. Virii need anti-linus software.
• If you could read Linus Torvald's mind, you'd find that his stream of conciousness is entirely in binary.
• Linus Torvalds scared A and B away, so they had to make C.
• Linus is REAL unless declared INTEGER.
• There are no man pages for Linus Torvalds, only god pages.
• Code:
  linus@debtux:~$ apt-cache search sudo
  linus@debtux:~$
  
• Linus Torvalds takes one look at your desktop and knows which porn sites you visited. In the last ten years.
• Being touched by Linus can cure carpal tunnel syndrome. He does not cure RMS because he thinks it's funny to listen to RMS dictating code for the HURD.
• On the first day Linus said ".configure"
  On the second day he said "make"
  On the third day he said "make install"
  And on the fourth day there was Linux, and Linus saw that it was kick ***, because it wasn't Windows.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't push the flush toilet button. He simply says "make clean".
• When Linus Torvalds writes new software, he just makes punch cards with his teeth and feeds them into a reader.
• Linus Torvalds source codes complie themselfs.
• Linus Torvalds surfs the web using nothing but netcat
• Linus Torvalds can play 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time.
• Linus Torvalds can program without a keyboard.
• Linus Torvalds didin't learn from the University of Helsinki the University of Helsinki learned from Linus Torvalds.
• Linus Torvalds finished the Linux Kernel the day before he started on it.
• Linus Torvalds once developed a programming language so good that it makes python look like punch cards.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't need to boot.
• Linus Torvalds first written program had artificial intelligence.
• Linus Torvalds doesn't receive error messages.

Top Ten Side Effects Of Switching To Linux

Studies done by a prestigious think tank in Silicon Valley have identified the most common behavioral changes in people who have switched to Linux. They were nice enough to share their information with us. According to them, these are the ten most frequent side effects of Linux use with us:

10: You start talking about 'killing' programs instead of forcing them to quit

9: You keep reminding yourself that you don't have to save your work every five minutes

8: You start substituting C for K in your normal writing (Did you know that Pizarro konquered the Inkas?)

7: You talk your grandmother into open-sourcing her secret cookie recipe

6: People give you strange looks when you brag about your uptime

5: You cause Bill Gates' fortune to decrease by 0.0000001 percent

4: The only viruses that bother you are the ones that cause the flu

3: The blue screen of death only appears to you in nightmares

2: You actually get some serious work done

And the number 1 side effect of switching to Linux is:
Your problems meeting members of the opposite sex disappear!

[linux.org]